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How to distinguish the unhealthy ambitions of parents from the desire to give children the best?

When a child appears in the family, parents, no doubt, want to give him all the best. But how to distinguish is “the best” from the really necessary and useful for the development of the personality and abilities of the child?

In psychology, in matters of children, it is generally accepted that at every stage of the child’s life, the parent gave him everything that he could in that situation.

Such a thought helps to solve many problems in the relationship of children and parents, especially when adult children live with claims that they were given little or not that ..

Where do such claims come from?

Often parents want to not only give children everything they need for development, but also literally “fly out” the child in their own image and likeness, or make him even more perfect version of themselves. And to realize such desires, parents launch any ways – if only they, often unhealthy, ambitions were satisfied.

What can be called unhealthy ambitions? ⁣⁣

A striking example is given by Stephen Covi in the book “7 skills of highly effective people” . The author brilliantly showed how one director of a large company, wanting to stimulate employees to good results, gathered them every month and showed a picture with horses running at the hippodrome.

Above the face of the fastest horse, he promised to write the name of the best employee and even pay him a vacation in a five -star hotel.⁣⁣⠀

But no one wanted to become the first employee, moreover – people did not respond to the boss. “What is the cause of ingratitude?” – this man who came to Kovi for advice ..

This is sad, but many parents relate to their children that way. They include the rules of conventions in the education:

You can only love a good (s) boy/girl;

The school needs only five, other estimates are unacceptable (for this some even pay money for children – they give the fact that the child is better and smarter than everyone, thereby disorient him in building relationships);

You can give a fashionable gadget, or you can – take it back only for the fact that the child behaves “wrong”

In fact, the child feels falsity, rests and does not want to be the first in the “arrival”. And therefore, I would like to emphasize the main thing: relations between parents and children are not training in the racing at the hippodrome, this is respect and understanding that life sometimes consists of failures and losses.

Any child should be nourished by unconditional love, peace, joy,

and letters, diplomas, five – this is important and, of course, pleasant, but this is not the main thing

The main thing is that a child who goes into life gains strength to survive any situations, managed to be in Lada with people in any groups, did not envy and did not spend time questions about the unjust distribution of awards, but wrote his own story.

Everyone is born to live their own life, and the parent is not a coach, not a coach, but one who gives unconditional love, without graphs and a counter of successes.

What should you try to avoid in matters of education?

Decide for a child, which is better for him, and never listen to him.

Tell the child that everything is worse than him (this can be rephrasing in “I do not doubt you”).


Because in this case, your child will not learn to love and live in joy, and in the end, all the ambitions of the parent will become a boomerang for himself.

The child will grow and move over time, and when parents wish to communicate and care, he will be able to show only the same convention that he was taught ..

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